If you’d ask me how was 2015, I would genuinely shoot: wrong. Sometimes it went so wrong. Ineluctably 2015 was the year I learnt that sometimes life can be harsh. Isn’t this what it is all about? Find you real self through bad timing, wrong decisions and dull mistakes? I took risks, I exposed myself, I got hurt and I eventually set myself ready to live.
2015 opened with the funerals of such a dear friend of mine. I stopped loving. I started loving, I experienced the bitterness of a broken heart. I buried old loves, embraced new ones. I found love and I lost it. I met incredible people, I fall in love with toxic people, I met extraordinarily ordinary people. I succeed and I failed. I saw the world with a brand new eye. I tried to accept and failed, I refused to accept but succeed anyway. I loved myself. I hated myself. I was bare and vulnerable. I was strong and powerful. I was human in all possible manners someone can be.
I danced on Everything Everything, I cried while listening to Elliot Smith. In 2015 I wrote like a machine. Inspiration abandoned me. It was intense and overwhelming. Sometimes I felt so free, sometimes I was oppressed and trapped in my own body.
But.. was it really a bad year and is 2016 the sign of a new era?
Does a new year means the beginning of a new era or is it a collective hallucination we settled not to stop believing for something better? Is a new year a blurry concept to keep our hopes high or to expect the end of bad karma?
At the crepuscule of a new year are we just preaching changes as we hope for brighter days to show up?
And if one year was harsh, was it necessarily bad. Isn’t pain made to elevate our personas?
I suffered therefore I am alive. I experienced therefore I am. And I finally grew because I explored life at its darkest. No matter if it was hard, I felt, I lived and I learnt. I cried which allowed me to laugh sometimes. Passions was destructive but it was a blessing too. You cry that you can laugh, you laugh that you can cry. Positive or negatives, emotions and feelings are a reminder of liveliness.
In 2016, I will… NOT
At the beginning of a new year we are allowed to believe in changes and this year I will not decide to become a better version of myself.I will not hope to lose weight, to have a softer skin, to be an outstanding social butterfly. I will praise for elevation and to keep on feeling alive as much as I did lastly. I will deny utopia and embrace every feeling, every fear, every anguish, every disturbance as the materialization of my liveliness.
In 2016 I will refute changes and plans. In 2016 I will let it be. In 2016 I will be me. I will do wrong all over again. I will laugh, I will cry. I will be me. Me, my real self, with all my failures, my strengths and imperfections. I will do mistakes. I will be wise, I will act like a fool and I will love. I will love the ones who love me and those who don’t. I will embrace being who I am and will not blind myself with the illusions that I can change and become somebody else.